Thursday, 29 September 2011

A Day in the Life of Orient the Cat 


- Orient comes into my room and drinks from the cup that was specifically for myself to drink when i wake up in the night. He looks up at me asleep in bed and sniggers. He turns to leave walking straight past his water bowl that seems specifically designed to gather dust.

After scoffing his jellied slop in his bowl he decides it's time to pay me a visit. That this visit is in the middle of the pillows where my face is pointed is purely coincidental and not a ploy to wake me up. 

After trying and failing to wake me up he deploys the "noshing" on his lower regions tactic which wakes me up to a satisfied cat grin 20cm away from my face.


Orient Meows for the 30th time today whilst i try and figure out what it is he's asking for. "I've just fed him, he's got a clean tray, he's got water" I think. I open the back door for him and he immediately makes his way for the table at the end of the garden and begins sun worshiping. (We like to call the back table his office, part of a complicated work life that we have made up over time. That'll have to be told on another post though.)

Crisp and ripe, Orient returns from the sun to go and visit his tray (not before meowing and running round the house telling us all of his impending poop.) Satisfied he's told everyone he makes his way to the tray. Afterwards he goes back to his spot in the sun, content that even though he has the whole garden and the side of the house where there is plentiful grass and hiding places he chose to leave his deposit in the house. Orient takes a deep inhale of breath, savoring it's freshness. His owners arn't so lucky.

Orient goes on a hunt of treats around this time starting with the ferret food, he quickly shrugs off the idea due to the food being too high up and the idea of climbing the side of the cage past the jaws of the ferret wasn't worth the chicken flavoured brown pellets. Rats food is not an option as flat peas and maize mixed in with the occasionally okay rat nuggets also wasn't worth the effort of picking through them, although the Rat nuggets bag alone may be worth a pop at later, JACKPOT is on top of the dresser. Now, whilst he is a regular visitor of the china figures, he can't reach the top, so starts to meow avidly and angrily until someone comes along and gives in. He FNARS then goes to his office at the end of the garden feeling king like.


"ACCHOOO" "MOWWW" ... "Sorry Orient" "MOWWWW" "I said sorry" ""MOW" "I SAID I'M SORRY!" *incoherent meowgrumble* This happens on every occasion where a sneeze is within 6 meters of Orient. With every Meow they become smaller, even more annoyed and angry until it's just an incohent noise. It's like he must have the last word. I imagine those words to be "SHUT UP","SHUT UP" ... "Shut up" ... "Shhhhh" and ...."fool"

Orient loves to chew on bags. Whilst a quite disturbing habit it's also one that his humans actively discourage, especially when you go to the local Tesco to find your bags have kitty slob and some form of foam which makes you shudder to your inner core. I'm sure he only does this activity so that new bags come in the house. It's not really Tesco or Sainsburys bags he goes for though. He likes the cheapest nastiest thinnest bags you can only find in a crappy cheap shop or a late night offie. The ones with the most dreadful smell of rubber seem to please him to point of no return. Has decided that my cat is a kinky MP.

Has been told by human that he is a kinky MP

Hovers over dinner plates and gets told to get down so proceeds to complain by calling everyone wankers.

Watches Beauty ( The older Cat ) walk in. Orient takes a whiff of the back end telling her "it's okay i know what i'm doing i'm a vet" then does his "open mouthed stare into nowhere high on crack" face. Orient follows her to the kitchen.

Jumps up with Beauty on the bookshelf and dreams a dream of cats bums and all you can eat Applaws cat food. Thinking to himself, it wont be long before i need a drink of water from my lovely humans cup that she left for me beside her bed. *snigger*

"They see him Rollin' they hatin'"

Check him out with his most Famous Picture here

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Picture of the Day

Oh how i wish i thought of this, 
Inbred Cat is Inbred.

New Blog! - Well, my first ever blog

What to write, where to begin, I'm sure i could write a huge War and peace book about my animals.(War and Peace - I used to think that was "Warren-Peas" when i was a child. Oh dear.

Hurrah, I finally have a blog, and, whilst i'm not even sure anyone would be remotely interested in what ramblings i have to say, it does keep me busy and not thinking about stuff which i really shouldn't be thinking about and sometimes feel the need to slap myself repeatedly on the face.(I never do, i'm too much of a wuss) 

So, this blog will be about my pets really, what they get up to and whats going on with them! I feel rather stupid for not having a cool blog name, like "THE ADVENTURES OF RAT WOMAN" Or an equally cooler one like "shockwave" which garners some would say too much attention based on ramblings of a teenage boy who likes playing computer games. (note - I don't actually know a blogger called "shockwave") So, if you happen to be "shockwave" reading this and you are a teenage boy who likes playing computer games then it's purely coincidental. 
Anyway i really should start on my animals, who are currently in various stages of war. Without turning around I can probably muster that it is Barry (a small fry rat intent on causing mayhem and being a mob leader) causing most of the trouble. Whilst knowing in the long run Barry will be a brilliant and loved addition to my cage of men i cant help thinking at the moment i may have made a mistake bringing in an 8 week old playful  and somewhat fearless pipsqueek into my 4 old brick sized layabout men. Whilst Richard (an egg headed rat) is the youngest of my 4 layabouts, he's very set in his ways. Dinner on't table and a scratch on the head and he's done for the day. Whilst Richard is a very friendly docile chap, Barry has made his simple life a little more challenging. Barry seems intent on exploring every single nook and cranny of the cage, that unfortunately extends to Richards bottom. 

The other animals in my life are currently sleeping, licking things they shouldn't and ruining toys. Orient (my highly strung siamese cat) only an hour ago seemed content on me tapping his bum whilst looking like the vibrations of my hand taps were pleasing to him. I'm going to go hand myself in to the cat police now.

Too much cat loving is a bad thing.