Tuesday, 18 October 2011

The Random goings on of a 15 year old Cat.

Whilst i'm not one for having a go at old ladies, especially when this old lady is our 15 year old Cat Beauty, there has to become a point where you think "STOP". Now in human years shes 76, or 105 depending on which chart you look at. My opinion is going to fall with the latter. As of late she's taken to being the most crotchety moaning old fart of a cat that has ever lived. Dare to look in her direction and she'll stare into your very soul with her button eyes and give a silent meow. Dare to walk past the food station she'll meow so loudly you're sure your ears are bleeding. Open the door to  get her in from a night of sitting in the middle of a t junction and she'll growl terribly and run straight back out the door with a laugh. Now, this may all seem a bit built up and over the top, but we own a Siamese Cat, .. known for their nature of being,... well twats, we think we are quite adept in handling some of the more pressing feline problems. 

     Orient(our Siamese) only yesterday asked me what the meaning of life was through a curt meow to which i answered. "Tuna" ... and he sauntered off pleased with the knowledge i'd passed on to him.
Being a crotchety moaning old fart Cat  takes some practice, you can't just wake up one day and say "TODAY I WILL BE FOREVER GRUMPY" You have to work at it, subtly annoy your owners and smirk whilst you make them slowly simmer to boiling point.
Another thing that really does make me wonder what goes on in this old ladies head is the sheer randomness of her sleeping arrangements. I regularly think to myself "How can a cat be so inventive? Only last week i found her asleep on the banister, not to mention the bath tub, the laundry basket, on top of a flat screen television and under the sink.
Going back to the banister.. this wasn't just a "fleeting" idea that she concocted, oh no. She slept here for about two weeks. Every night she would balance herself on the platform and "sleep" ... Although by sleep it was a "1 second doze" then a mad panic when she realized her back end had failed her and she was looking at a hefty drop. 
Clawing her way back on to the banister she repeated this multiple times throughout the night. It was only when we were being woken by "THUD" after "PLONK"  after "CLOP" that we thought.. we HAVE to do something about this..I mean, she may have fallen off the banister, but she was lucky not to break her neck. The following day we hatched a plan. We made the laundry basket comfy and inviting and placed deterants (books, shoes etc on the banister edge so she couldn't jump up there) Needless to say it worked. She slept so soundly that night not even a forceful nudge of Orient plugging himself into her behind nostril first arose her. 

One late evening this September i was having a Late night bubble bath, (As you do) I had the window quite widely open as it was a warm night and i like the chill of the air when I'm in a warm bath. Beauty had taken to sleeping in the bathroom, as the above photos show. The last picture above is her attempt at hiding from Orient, she knew he'd never pass somewhere that had water so close. As I read peacefully on the warm night a figure of Furry Black and White descended on me. It was one of those " life flash before your eyes" If she jumps, which she definitely is about do, Beauty will be picking my skin out of her claws for days. To my immediate relief she adeptly jumped up and over my head and on to the side of the windowsill. You'd be forgiven for thinking this was on the inside that she'd jumped, but no, she jumped straight out the window. 

My panic returned and i jumped up out the bath and looked over the edge. I knew that the lobby roof sloped down outside the bathroom so her fall wouldn't have been immediate. I searched around in the pitch darkness shouting her name. Nothing. "BEAUTY GET IN HERE" "FEED THE CATS" ... A phrase we use to make our cats come running. They can be anywhere in the house and you say those words and you'll hear a "Thud" then a clopping of paws running in the direction of the kitchen. As i looked out of the window, Arm gingerly covering the bits i really didn't want the neighbours seeing, i pushed up and jammed my body as forward as i could to get a better view. 
"Mow" I hear.... Sitting in the far corner of the roof was Beauty. Not knowing quite what to do she meowed again. and started to slide down the roof, Looking where she could jump I shouted louder this time, "BEAUTY GET THE HELL IN THIS HOUSE" She retreated to the top of the roof and walked towards me, "GRAB HER" my mum shouted from her room as she watched the proceedings. Beauty started making her way towards the bedroom window, which was not covered by the roof, she did that thing all Cats do when they're about to either pounce or jump stupidly and fail. "NO BEAUTY NO!!" She made her way back to the bathroom and I took my chance and dragged her in. She jumped down and missed the ledge of the bath, Drenching her whole back end in water. She sulked off and wasn't seen for the rest of the night.
Only she could be that stupid
Now, I know that i've said some demeaning things about Beauty the 15 year old Cat, but i do truly love her. I don't know what we'd do without her, but i do know she's just going to get more and more strange as time goes on.

We love you Beauty!